Crafting Calm

Your Toolkit of Digital Boundaries, and 5 Tips For a More Peaceful Life

Aubrey is a senior in high school and has had an iPhone ever since she was thirteen. At first Aubrey hardly used her phone. Over the years, however, she began using it constantly. Although she would never say she was addicted, she found it hard to put her phone down. Even when not actively using it, Aubrey would find herself thinking about the phone, and restless to get back to Snapchat and TikTok.

Aubrey experimented with turning off notifications, only to find herself compelled to check her phone in case she was missing something. It got so bad that when Aubrey would wake up in the night, she’d check her phone. She even started keeping her notifications turned on at night, so she could hear if someone texted her.

Although friends tell her she’s attractive, Aubrey finds it hard to believe she’s pretty because she’s constantly comparing herself to models on TikTok and Instagram. Although she loves hanging out with friends, it’s increasingly hard for her to give them full attention because she’s distracted. Even when her boyfriend is talking to her, Aubrey finds herself getting restless and instinctively reaching for her phone if there is a lull in the conversation.

Six months ago, Aubrey went on a camping trip with her church youth group. They went into a wilderness where there was no connection. “At first it was disconcerting for my phone not to be working,” Aubrey explained when reflecting on the incident. But over the next few days in the wilderness, a sense of quiet came over her that she hadn’t experienced in years. “I found I could pay attention to friends with all my attention, because the phone wasn’t distracting me. I even found I could sit and do nothing without feeling restless, which is an experience I haven’t had in years.” Above all, Aubrey enjoyed the new connection she had with the other friends who had come along on the trip.

After returning to civilization, Aubrey determined to use her phone less. Yet she found herself powerless against its relentless pull on her attention. Aubrey longed to recover the peace she had in the wilderness. Eventually she made a hard decision and decided to get rid of her iPhone. She asked her parents to get her a minimalist phone known as the “Light Phone.” This device provides phone and texting functionality and navigation; crucially, however, it provides no email, internet, or social media feeds.

When talking about her decision to embrace technological minimalism, Aubrey explained that “it isn’t about saying no to technology, or demonizing technology. I don’t judge people who have smartphones. For me, it’s about the joy of being present with people. If I need to do things online, I can use my parents’ PC. If I find myself bored, I lean into that and use it as an opportunity to embrace stillness, through prayer or through some mindful breathing.”

Aubrey is not a real person but is a composite of multiple people I interviewed in the course of writing this article and research for my upcoming book Are We All Cyborgs Now: Recovering Our Humanity From the Machine. In my research I found that throughout the world, men and women are finding ways to use technology without it using them. They are discovering ways to use digital boundaries to craft calm and thus to more fully connect with everything that is good, true, and beautiful in the world God has given us. But this process of crafting calm does not happen automatically; rather, it involves specific set of best practices and habits.

I first realized the need for digital boundaries in my own life after getting a tablet in 2014. This was my first experience with a portable smart-device. I was so proud of my tablet, which was an upgrade from my flip phone. I even had a custom-made green pouch for the tablet so it could dangle at my side. At first, I just used the tablet for audiobooks, but it didn’t take long before it began to invade my life with continual distractions. The device was constantly connected, enabling me to check my email on hikes or look up the answer to any question that might suddenly pop into my head. Even when I wasn’t using the device, I was still thinking about everything happening in the digital ecosystem. A year after getting the device, however, I was experiencing prolonged periods of mental burnout. In a very short space of time, my attention had been captured and scattered. This led me to begin researching digital boundaries and interviewing others who had experimented with digital minimalism.

In my previous article, “Putting the Wildness Back into Classical Education,” I shared a series of interviews I conducted with people at Wyoming Catholic College, an institution famous for facilitating calm and creativity via digital minimalism. But in this article I want to share tips I’ve learned from interviewing families and individuals who have found ways to carve out calm in the midst of a busy world.